Thoroughly modern Patricia A. Bow


Pat, as her siblings point out “was the quietest of the “magnificent seven”. She possessed a determined yet calm quality. She was an introverted person and hated being the centre of attention. Yes, she was very sensitive and a deep thinker. It is true of Pat that still waters run deep. She was a peace maker having the ability to tactfully say what’s on her mind or on my mind as well. She wasn’t afraid of a little work or a challenge. She was always the practical and flexible one solving our problems well. Pat was patient with our grand children and our family though sometimes irritated with mine and others’ personalities and habits. She felt a connection to Nova Scotia, things Scottish and the Cameron clan home lands. (Her mother’s maiden name was Cameron) She could be stubborn and determined to hold on to some behaviors – almost obsessive and very fixated.
She loved me very much as I loved her. Once having found she loved me she committed whole heartily. We seemed to just fit well together; in her mind, I was “the only man for her” – a soulmate and very much like herself. She did not like arguing but was neither submissive nor clingy. She needed room to breath and to just be herself. She was a thoroughly modern woman, a feminist and would not have been happy in a typical 50s style of relationship or any relationship that placed restrictions on her individuality. We were both committed to an intimate and passionate partnership. We respected each others’ privacy and independence. She was not my servant nor was I hers – she made me get my own tea. We shared decision making and neither tried to dominate the other. We both contributed to the financing of our marriage. When things got bad we, both retrained and when she proved more successful in earning a living she did not resent being the bread winner. Patricia was adaptable, intelligent, and danced to her own music.
Religiously, she was not a fundamentalist nor literalist though raised with certain of these values. Fundamentalism and its Siamese twin literalism are the two greatest attacks on God and the church today. Our marriage classes and her confirmation classes in the Anglican Church took – she was a deeply committed Prayer Book Anglican. We used to take pleasure in discussing our beliefs and the theology of the BCP. Remember she had a big advantage over me; she had studied Northrop Frye. She dislikes the Book of Alternative Services with a vengeance – couldn’t stand what it did to the English language. Church services were meant to be our best and the BCP was crafted when English was at its height.
Yes, we were soulmates, our heart’s other half, life partners, and eternally united as one in marriage. We made each other feel entirely whole, healed and intact like two pieces of a puzzle. We were two united as one by God against the world. We had the ability to read each others’ minds and always knew when the other was nearby. As the American writer Richard Bach said, “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.” We fulfilled each other.
Interestingly she described me in a document (What I like in a man) she wrote while we were dating. Here are bits of it:
“1. Thick dark eyebrows…
9. A man with a friendly smile…
12. A man who lights my cigarette…
13. A man who has no hang-ups letting a woman light his cigarette…
16. A man who pays complements because he thinks they are true…
19. A man who is bigger than I am…
20. Broad shoulders…
22. Treating my ideas with the same attention as his own…
26. When he treats me in private as he does in Public…
30. Sideburns especially curly.”
She particularly disliked indecisive, weak men and as well as chauvinist and macho men. Remember I proposed to her on our first date and she knew I meant it – you can’t  get more decisive than that. She loved that I was comfortable in my masculinity  and never put women down. Eventually she came to love me and we married just seven months after our  first date. Our love continues to grow even after death. Love is stronger than Death. Patricia, I love you forever.

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About thebows99krug

Hi, I am Eric, a retired librarian. I was born in St. Michael's Hospital, Toronto and raised in the downtown area north of the Art Gallery, south of the University of Toronto. I went to Orde Street Public School, Harbord C.I., University College at the UofT and the UofT's Faculty of Library and Information Science. I meet my wife Patricia at FLIS; our first date was on November 15, 1968. We were engaged February 14, 1969 and married on June 21, 1969. Our family includes son, James; daughter-in-law, Erin; (both writers), grand-daughters, Vivian and Eleanor; and Pooka, a small but fierce gray tabby. I would like to hear from any other class of '63 alumni of Harbord C.I. and class of '67 alumni of UofT's University College.
This entry was posted in Bow, Patricia A., Family, Grief, Marriage, Religion - Anglican. Bookmark the permalink.

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