Christians NEVER say goodbye! For in eternity there will be “time enough”. If we share Christ’s death we shall also share His resurrection – that is the whole point of the Eucharist. My beloved Patricia is in the arms of Christ within me here and now. Our love is eternal. “For behold, the kingdom of God is in your midst. Neither shall they say: Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.” Luke 17:21 KJV. That means here and now. Pat is near me, she is with me waking and in dreams and in that deep emptiness in my heart. She is telling me to keep the faith; she is leading me to God and US. God is love, and Death is the door to that eternal joy all true lovers are seeking. I believe that on that first date- November 15, 1968 – God gave us that special intimacy and spiritual awareness of each other that was and is to continue beyond the grave. We were destined for eternal marriage, we were soulmates.
In 1970 on Valentines Day I wrote the following Poem to Pat
Late in last winter thou didst say to me, Love
I choose you, you, only you.
A year ago, this Valentines day
I danced upon these words
And made you my engaged.
I was so honoured with your gold
Of love and love and still again
The years curve to two now
And thou dost say to me still
I choose you, you, and only you.
I replied then as now
I love you, you, only you.
“Thine will be done” means we are to accept God’s will in all things. Our marriage was His will and we accepted being made one forever. No matter how much we want to believe something – my beloved Patricia dwells in me and we will be reunited as a resurrection body in that new earth which is in Heaven – doesn’t make it true. There is always that niggling doubt even with our belief in God. Could it be that in wanting it to be true so badly I am deluding myself? Maybe it is a compulsion of the mind – I must believe to stay sane. Does such unbelief really matter if it is true or not? If I mostly believe it to be true, then it is the truth for me. It is reality for me and for me it is the Truth. In following “Thine will be done.” I live as if it is the TRUTH.
It is enough to believe “…the … possibility exits — of making the leap to a direct and ongoing sharing of hearts and lives in the body of hope. Death does not have to mean the end of relationship and the slow receding of love. Henri Nouwen wrote shortly before his own death, “When one has loved deeply, that love can actually grow stronger after death.” To discover how this is actually so is the fascinating and miraculous invitation open in this life to those who have loved deeply and are willing to keep walking toward that love. –Cynthia Bourgeault “LOVE is stronger than DEATH”