A taste of Heaven?

“I order you, O sleeper, to awake. I did not create you to be held a prisoner in hell. Rise from the dead, for I am the life of the dead. Rise up, work of my hands, you who were created in my image.” From St. John the Evangelist’s Office of Readings

Could it be that our dreams of our departed beloved are actual small finite experiences of what it will be like when we join her in Heaven? It is a Given that there is an afterlife; the empty tomb is one of the great proofs that Christ has risen from the dead and that we will too if it is God’s will.

In Acts 2:17 “… God declares that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams…” In the Bible, there are other passages where dreams are a taste of what is to be:” … behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.” [Matthew 1:20]

You still love your spouse in Heaven; you shall still love your beloved spouse because the very nature of God is Love and God has joined you together as one! Marriage was created by God and you are joined together as ONE – two persons but one entity.  Every so often your loved ones will open the door from Heaven and visit you in a Dream. Just to whipper “I love you still” and to remind you they are still with you, just in a different way. She is letting you know she is okay, and still a part of your life.  Browning was right, “I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.” Yes, these dreams are a gift from God for God is Love!

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Quiet Love … eyes to see and words to tell

Before we married Pat wrote: “there seems to be quite a bit of harmony between our personalities.” What did that mean? The healthiest way two people can interact with each other is to be close and at the same time to be truly interdependent. This is where two people, actually like each other and become involved with each other, but with neither sacrificing themselves or compromising their values. What they have is a balanced relationship, and unfortunately it is not all that common. It develops into what we had, Quiet Love. Quiet love primarily means feeling safe and comfortable, experiencing new stages of life, growing personally and as a couple, and supporting each other. Patricia and I were lucky enough to discover that quiet, intense love that is basic to life itself! We had the eyes to see and the words to tell the truths that are most real to each other.

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Through the glass darkly

“Love is who you are. When you don’t live according to love, you are outside of being. You’re basically not real or true to yourself. When you love, you are acting according to your deepest being, your deepest truth. You are operating according to your dignity.” –Richard Rohr

Heaven is the reality, earth the reflection. To die is to be born into heaven. The Presence we feel of our departed loved one is her realty. We think therefore God exists in us: we exist so that God is aware of Himself. God made it so. Earth is on the other side of the door looking through God’s looking glass.

When we examine physical reality, we are looking though a glass darkly and seeing only reflections.  We see only an imperfect image. There is no beginning and no end, reality is eternal. It is like looking into your own mind: all you see is the thinking. It is the thinking that tells you, you exist.

The resurrected body moves through the image and the image knows it not. The image is the refection. When you die the mirror shatters, and you see and pass freely from image to reality and if God wills, back again like Christ did. It happens when you pray – your loved one shines with the glory of the Kingdom where she has gone. We love God because God is reality and to know reality is to know God.

I cannot prove any of this because I am on the image side of the mirror. We were created in the image of God to reflect God back to himself through our loving one another and God. We know Him though His Love. We know him because Christ was transformed from image to reality and this was, according to the Gospels witnessed by Peter, James, and John. Christ died so that we could see! God is LOVE!

“For we did not follow cunningly devised fables when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ but were eyewitnesses of his majesty. For he received from God the Father honour and glory when such a voice came to him from the excellent glory: ‘This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.’ And we heard this voice which came from heaven when we were with Him on the holy mountain.” (2 Peter 1:16-18).

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A Dream or a Vision?

I dreamt I was in the tail of a Church procession following a couple to be joined together by God. We entered a cathedral with a very long nave walking slowly toward the Chancel and alter. The church was dark, and I felt like I was walking through a tunnel with a very high ceiling. The procession didn’t stop at the alter; it started through it. The alter was a door to a bright light behind it. There was a curtain of white flowers and the priest was Christ. I saw my beloved Patricia entwined among the flowers of the curtain and I wasn’t allowed through. Pat smiled at me and I whispered “Hi Pat.” She whispered, “I love you!” just like she did more than 50 years ago in that small quiet serious whisper she used for intimacy. As then I responded, “does that mean you will marry me.” After all, the procession was like a wedding. Her answer was the same now as then, a whispered “Yes.” Then the rest of the procession when through the alter and Pat merged with Christ and the light. Her face lingered amongst the flowers of the curtain. The alter like door closed and it was dark. It was not my time yet. I was alone in the nave ready to wake. Death is neither a whimper nor a bang; it is the great joy of joining your beloved and Christ at the Heavenly Alter.

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Facts are many, but the truth is one.

We seek God as an individual because we were taught he is  the unity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as three persons in one Godhead. And from John: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” God is life itself; He is that Light. In the Near Death Experience, He is that light we see at the end of the tunnel. In T.S. Eliot’s ” we have lingered in the chambers of the sea, sea-girls wreathed in seaweed red and brown. Till human voices wake us and we drown.” He is that sea of chambers. We live as one chamber of God, one packet of light reaching to the light at the end of the tunnel. We are part of the Oneness of all life. It is not so much us becoming one with each other and God but us becoming one with everything. Just like “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was God.” Yes God is everything and we are one with Him and everything. Pope Gregory wrote in Dialogues; ” Anyone who has seen a little of the light of the creator finds all of creation small, because the innermost hidden place of the mind is opened up by that light and is so much expanded in God it stands above the world. In Fact, the soul that sees this is ever raised above itself in the light of God.” After the death of a loved one we have become so attuned over a lifetime with her to her presence that we just know and feel that Presence nearby – two hermits as one together forever. As Rabindranath Tagore said “Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.” Anyone who does not love does not know God, because “God is love” 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13 4-7

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What am I?

What I am does not depend on what I look like. To find myself I don’t look in a mirror. Mary Madelaine did not know Christ until he spoke to her; touched her mind to mind. Christ says we will know each other when we meet again in Heaven. We will touch each other mind to mind as Christ and Mary did. So who are we and how do we know our beloved. There is some thing deep within us that is the true us – that God joined in marriage – and we spend our life searching for to know ourselves and our beloved. My beloved Patricia had it right we were hermits together. Beneath this flesh and bone we are intertwined so intimately webbed together neither one could tell which is which and who is who. The Bible tells us what we seek is within us. Christ tells us God is within us; we, Patricia and I, are one with God. Christ made it so. We are also made One by God in marriage – notice how important being One is in Christ’s teachings. Love is Being one with God who is Love. To say God is Love is to recognize God loves us and Himself within us. God unites us in marriage forever. God is love the Bible tells us so. and Love is stronger than Death.

The five senses are part of the physical world; all animals have them too. Animals seem to have a sixth sense by which they feel what we call the supernatural. We may deny it but we have it too. It is how we are aware of the Presence of God and our departed beloved. The difference is that we are aware of ourselves as well. Yes, “We think, therefore we are!” What is it that makes us aware of ourselves? It is God as Love within us making us aware of thinking, feeling, loving and God as part of the equation. God said “I am who I am.” – the eternal self awareness. It is what the Bible means when it tells us we are made in the likeness of God himself.

She is gone to her garden within me (her 1976 poem)

In my garden I will grow
baby’s breath and bergamot
fearless of all winds that blow,
so secure they’ll shelter there.
Marigolds and maidenhair

in the borders I will sow:

roses and anemones,

and all gentle plants like these.

In my garden I can find

lilacs of the deathless kind,
hollyhocks and columbine.
Summer there will never end,
blackening frost will not descend,
where my garden’s fences wind,
through the meadows of my mind.

Every morning you pass through,
leaving footprints in the dew.

And at night, you and I,
arm in arm, walk quietly.

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“O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” [1 Corinthians 15:55]

Sometimes when searching deep within myself I feel that there is nothing there but the void. That is not so strange as we, mankind, were created out of the void as was time and space. We are as men part of time and space, part of our mother and farther, part of every human being back to Adam and Eve. As Patricia said ” yet beneath, the grass and stone / intertwined their roots have grown, / so intimately webbed together. / neither one can tell his own.” We are intertwined with every other created being. We live in time and space, we are part of history. As part of time and space it is difficult to see anything else. We are too self centred, taken up with exploiting every one and thing that isn’t us! As C.S. Lewis says [Mere Christianity] we are self-centred, “wanting to be patted and admired, to take advantage of other life, to exploit the whole universe,” true capitalists. We don’t want there to be something better than us, that created us, who is the Great Creator outside of time and space, that made us and governs time and space. But we are really individuals, we are connected to every every human being that ever has been, is or shall be, one huge ocean of humanity, part of that void I feel within me. The death of a beloved is painful because we loved her both as an individual and part of our individual life within time and space. We forever reach for her just beyond our self and yes within, knowing she is there. It is hard to grasp that she has moved outside time and space to become one with God. But she was/is one with me you tell yourself and I want her back! We were after all made for each other and were joined in marriage by God as one forever.

That is after all the point. If we examine love and what makes us different from those other created things we find we love and it is love that frees us from death. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”[John 3:16] By that LOVE the Creator became part of his creation. Now we are more than a created being because the Creator, the begotten not made, became part of humanity, forever through Christ. Now humanity is no longer separated from God; God and man are connected through the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. I am one with my beloved Patricia and with God forever. What a comfort in my bereavement. Yes both made and begotten, Christ made it so – it is why he had to die. We, humanity, in C.S. Lewis’ words [Mere Christianity] “passing over from a created thing into a begotten thing, passing over from the temporary biological life into the timeless ‘spiritual’ life…” T.S. Eliot was wrong when he wrote ““This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.” Life doesn’t end with either a bang or a whimper, Life and Love don’t end at all! We return to God who art in Heaven as Christ did. Some where when feeling deep within myself I find not the void but my beloved and God. Some day like Christ, Patricia and I will be together one with God the Father. “For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s. For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living.” Romans 14:8-9

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Patricia, Me and God!

Yes exactly what Patricia and I had; we were aware of our unfolding love for each other and God! Every morning we woke up together into our love. It is still there even though she is on the other side of the door. The door is not locked.


“One main reason for the strong attraction we feel toward those who are special to us is that when we’re with them, they “move” us like no one else can; they literally awaken in us wonderful thoughts and feelings ordinarily inaccessible to us through any of our other relationships. We all know something of these feelings: perhaps we’ve told someone, “I love the way you make me feel.” And let it also be noted here that these kinds of feelings don’t just apply to relationships with significant others. We are also granted a similar special awareness of ourselves when we watch a loving mother care for her newborn baby, when we see a puppy chase its own tail, or when we stand in a field of wildflowers as their petals reflect the morning sun.” ‘Relationship Magic Waking up together’ – Guy Finlay

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1969 was an incredibly good year!

The year 1969 was in my head all night.

1969 was an incredibly good year!

Pat on break at home in Ottawa, wrote in her small Address book – didn’t start a dairy until year after– for January 1, 1969:

-Family gathering for dinner.

-Ivor phones.

-Evening: the break with Rob.

January 8: Eric – Proposal.

[She wrote me a note day after this requesting I not mention marriage just yet]

Thu Jan 23: Education show at CNE.

Walking alone Lakeshore.

[Note she wrote the poem ‘By the Lakeshore” describing us as “Small bubbles of happy heat / In a cold universe.”

Wed February 5: Eric’s Birthday 26 years old!

Fri February 7: Birthday dinner for E – my place.

Sun February 9: Get Engaged.

Fri February 14: Valentines Day

-Buy ring

-Steak & Burger

– TPL for ‘Marriage Italian Style’ (Play)


Mon February 16: |St. Stephen-in-the-Fields for marriage instruction.

Sun April 27: Find Apartment – 177 St. George Apt 608

June 21: Wedding Day

4pm wedding

5 Reception

8:30 Bali Hi

11:00 Windsor Arms Hotel

Sun June 22: Steak breakfast.

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A Dream of Heaven

The Imagination is truly a wonderful thing that makes things never seen, seem real. I dreamt of Pat last night!  We have all read: we are “…  born a natural body: it is raised a spiritual body.” (1 Corinthians 15:44) She was radiant and had a brilliance but, was immediately recognized as my beloved Patricia. Our bodies were us at our best, powerful and strong but as if we were water. We were able to merge with each other as two rivers merge into the ocean. It was like a sexual experience in which that ocean all around us participated, welcoming us.  It was warm, comforting and very pleasant. Our bodies were real, visible, capable of being handled, and recognizable. There were no trumpets, no cymbals and voices shouting hosanas, just my Beloved Patricia, me and the felt presence of God. We were on a rock-bound coast like Patricia’ well loved Nova Scotia Shore, we were in our idea of paradise. And there higher up on the shore was that home Patricia and Christ had gone to prepare for use in His Fathers house.  We were in Communion with God and each other. I know, I know, the emphasis on domestic happiness and never-ending spiritual progress in heaven is largely a modern innovation with no Biblical support.  I think for me Heaven has always been the lost Eden where believers return to develop further spiritually with our beloved One.

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