Thoughts on The Gospel of Thomas


There is debate on when the Nag Hammadi Gospel of Thomas was written. Some scholars date it as early as 50 AD which would make it earlier than Mark written around 65 to 70 AD. The majority date it to the early to mid 2ND Century around 172 AD. Which is just after the four canonical gospels. (60 – 125 AD.) The Gospel of Thomas has long been known from references by Church Fathers as far back as the third century. Like the canonical gospels there is a relationship to the Hypothetical Q document. It is too “new” to be that Q document. The Nag Hammadi Gospel of Thomas is the most complete of existent Gospels of Thomas we have. Not all scholars agree that Thomas should be considered Gnostic. Paterson Brown has argued that the three Nag Hammadi Gospels of Thomas, Philip and Truth cannot be so labeled, since each, in his opinion, may explicitly affirm the basic reality and sanctity of incarnate life, which Gnosticism by definition considers illusory.

I am ready to accept The Gospel of Thomas as very important in what Jesus was teaching. It begins:

These are the secret words of Almighty God
which Lord Jesus Christ
uttered and were scribed by his disciple Thomas.

He said, “He who comprehends
The inner meaning of these words
Will be immortal.

On eternal life.

“Have you seen the beginning
that you may know the end?
where there’s a beginning
there’s no end.
Happy is the man or woman
who can stand bravely
at the beginning.
He or she shall know the
end and won’t taste death.”

On the Kingdom of Heaven:

Jesus replied, “It’s like a
grain of mustard, smaller than
other seeds, but when it falls
on ploughed ground it grows
a large stem and shelters the birds.”

On entering into His Kingdom:

Jesus replied,
“Make the two into One
and the inner as the outer
and the outer as the inner,
the above as below,
the male and female
into a single One.
So the male isn’t male and
the female isn’t female any more.
When you make two eyes
into a single eye,
a hand into a foot,
a picture into a picture,
then you’ll enter the Kingdom.

I’ll chose you,
as one from a thousand:
you’ll stand bravely,
being a single One.

On God who is at the heart of our being:

I am the light shining upon all things.
I am the sum of everything,
For everything has come forth from me,
And towards me everything unfolds.
Split a piece of wood, and there I am,
Pick up a stone and you will find me there.

Some say The Gospel of Thomas contradicts the canonical gospels and reject the whole because of the final logion where Peter announces abruptly, Mary Magdalene should leave us, for women are not worthy of this life.”

Simon Peter said to the
Lord and his disciples,
“let Mary leave us, because women
Are unfit for the Life Everlasting.”

Jesus replied,
“Wait, I’ll guide her soul,
To make her as a real man,
in that place which transcends
the differences between the sexes’
so she’ll become a living spirit.

For each woman who makes
herself male in this way
and overcomes all differences
will enter the Kingdom of Heaven!”

NO Jesus is not saying that a woman must turn into a man before she can enter the kingdom – that would be so out of character and against everything else Jesus taught.
Jesus is not saying Mary must become a man; He is saying Peter must grow beyond the prejudices of his age. Jesus is saying “If it’s so all-fired important to you guys trapped in the prejudices of your age to have her be male – poof! We’ll make her male. What’s the big deal. I will transform her into a living spirit.” See below repeated from above.

“Make the two into One
and the inner as the outer
and the outer as the inner,
the above as below,
the male and female
into a single One.
So the male isn’t male and
the female isn’t female any more.
When you make two eyes
into a single eye,
a hand into a foot,
a picture into a picture,
then you’ll enter the Kingdom.

When you are able
To make two become one, …
so that a man is no longer male,
and a woman, female,
but male and female
become a single whole …
making one image supersede another
–Then you will enter in.

We are all one in the Kingdom of Heaven.

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A dream of beloved spouse dying…


You don’t ever get over the loss of a beloved spouse; it will not all be resolved with time. Healthy adults tend to grieve for a long time. You begin to reconcile yourself to living with the grief and are eventually able to cope. But grief is also circular; it comes back sometimes in dreams after months of being calm. Had a really bad dream last night. It was about losing Pat. Seems to come every couple of months.
Pat and I had a little spat and she got mad at me and wanted to leave me which she did by dying. I felt the immense panic – same as when she did die – and a very deep emptiness. This time no peaceful death in her sleep. She died right before my eyes and began turning into a skeleton. There was also great anger that I couldn’t do anything. And great sorrow. I was feeling abandoned by God and peeved with Him for not granting our prayers for a cure and a few more years together. Oh, how sad I was feeling. Without God (I felt He was rejecting me) is like being in Hell. That is how I awoke.
I know I’m not going crazy, and this is normal grief. Grief can range anywhere from rage, guilt, terror, fear, dependency, denial and sadness, to anger, guilt, loneliness, fatigue, helplessness, shock, relief, acceptance or even numbness. Well I felt them all upon waking.
Don’t want to feel this again or have this type of dream again. I know Pat loves me still and our marriage was/is forever. And that Christ Loves us. But still I cried out her Name and pleaded for her help and comfort. Scared my cat, Piper! She now sleeps on the bed with me and no Piper did not pee on the bed. Pat, I love you forever and know you also love me forever. Love is stronger than Death. God is Love. So I shall endure and continue my journey to God and Us.

why-would-a-cat-poop-on-the-bed

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Communication in Marriage


I was thinking about how Pat and I communicated. I realized a lot of it was not in words, we often communicated with a look, touch or thought across a crowded room as in Tai Chi class. I think that couples in a long-term marriage begin to read each other. We come to think alike and there are signs of what we feel and think in our faces and movements. But it is something more than that – when we didn’t see or hear each other we knew the other was near and what mood they were having. I think we both had another sense that sensed each other’s being, identity, presence and love. I knew she loved me without the words (her love poems to me were ‘the icing on the cake’). We don’t always think in words; we don’t always reason; we often just feel, believe and yes love. Most of Pat’s and my communication with each other involved things such as eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, body language and other visual and emotional cues. Feelings and non-verbal thinking are the realm of our souls and identity – they have a life of there own. They are how we touch God, how soulmates touch and know each other. Pat and I were / are soulmates. It is how we communicated then and now – how I know she dwells in me and I dwell in her and that she will be present in me until we fully join after I die.
I still feel Pat is with me. In my view, Pat is still communicating with me in this same non-verbal way. She is letting me know she is still present and is waiting for “her beloved Eric” to join her in our garden kingdom in Heaven. Waking in the night I often have the overpowering feeling that Patricia is there in the bed beside me sleeping – lending her presence to comfort me. She is with me still. I believe that our marriage was forever and did not end with her death and won’t end with mine. The relationship Pat and I have on earth WILL continue in Heaven – marriage is for all eternity because God made us one in marriage. Our communion with each other and God continues forever. I don’t have to die to join my beloved Patricia – she is in the Kingdom of God within me, here and now. Pat dwells in me and I dwell in her, here and now. We are communicating non-verbally as we have always done. God is LOVE. Love is stronger than Death.

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Blessed are those who mourn …


The thing about losing Pat after 48 years of marriage is that every feeling, thought and moment has been intertwined for so long that I no longer remember who I was before marrying her. I know I was a lonely and a melancholy young man. I had my parents but though I loved them our minds did not touch. It’s also a very different type of love. Pat was my soulmate; she was the missing piece of the puzzle I didn’t even know was missing. She was the person I was going to grow old with. Because she loved me I felt I had to also love me – there was something worthwhile in me that she loved. Her dying left a big hole in my heart. It was like losing an essential part of myself. We were so entwined that I can’t name what part of me except to say it was the best of me. I lost my best friend, my lover, my companion, my everything.  C. S. Lewis wrote that losing his wife, Joy, was like having a leg amputated. He was right; a spouse is your support and without her you are going to limp for the rest of your life. My whole world has changed.  Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after your spouse dies and I treasure them. But even they are not complete; while Pat was alive we shared most of our memories each reinforcing the other’s memories reliving and making them clearer. The puzzle piece has gone missing again. Okay I feel comforted knowing that Pat’s soul and identity is still with me and that she is in Christ’s arms. Church is a sacred place and it is where I am closest to my beloved Patricia.  When I pray, I am in a meditative state which makes communion with Pat easier. I also have dreams of Pat that are so vivid that I feel they are real. I believe they are real – Pat is visiting me. But this presence does not help because though I feel her love and presence I can’t get to her- I want to hold her hand but can’t, I want to kiss her but can’t. Yes her spiritual presence doesn’t help with the deep longing for her actual physical presence.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Essentially, from a wisdom perspective, this second beatitude is talking about vulnerability and flow. When we mourn (not complaining or self-pity) we are in a state of free-fall, our heart reaching out toward what we have seemingly lost but cannot help loving anyway. To mourn is by definition to live between the realms. “Practice the wound of love,” writes Ken Wilber in  Grace and Grit,  his gripping personal story of loss and transformation. “Real love hurts; real love makes you totally vulnerable and open; real love will take you far beyond yourself; and therefore real love will devastate you.” Mourning is indeed a brutal form of emptiness. But in this emptiness, if we can remain open, we discover that a mysterious “something” does indeed reach back to comfort us; the tendrils of our grief trailing out into the unknown become intertwined in greater love that holds all things together. To mourn is to touch directly the substance of divine compassion. And just as ice must melt before it can begin to flow, we, too, must become liquid before we can flow into the larger mind. Tears have been a classic spiritual way of doing this.  — p 43 The wisdom Jesus: transforming heart and mind: a new perspective on Christ and his message / Cynthia Bourgeault.

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“My beloved Eric will join me ”- re-awaking to Patricia


scanWedding0001.jpgOur souls communicate with other souls naturally. When you meet your soulmate, you feel instant love as I did on that first date with Patricia. I felt there was something special between us. That is because we were tied together from birth with the red string of Fate. Our souls had been communicating for many years before we met physically.
Our souls when we are asleep or meditating or during the Eucharist can connect with our departed spouse as well as with God and the communion of saints. This is part of the soul’s incredible healing power. Your soul connects with God to teach you His wisdom and to bless you. This is Christ and the Word within you. Your soul is united with your soulmate (if you are lucky enough to have found her) in marriage – joined together as one by God. Pat and I are still independent persons but we are one marriage entity. Love as well as the sacrament of marriage joined our hearts and souls together forever.
Pat and I have the same spiritual foundation. Our beliefs and religious practices are the same – she was fully committed to the Anglican Book of Common Prayer. We had the same spiritual ideas, basic practices and desire for spiritual growth. Pat was however, more advanced than I, having read Northrop Frye On Christianity, early Tom Harper and C. S. Lewis. She believed in the WORD OF GOD being Christ not the Bible – she was very interested in meditating to learn and receive peace and comfort. We fit together as if we were meant to be and of course we were – being tied together by the red string of Fate forever. We were in a mutual state of harmony holding hands right up to the end and stealing kisses in public when we thought no one was looking.
Our souls don’t die along with the body and of course our love lives on. The soul continues to exist as quantum – the sub-atomic level, and leaves the body after a person dies. It continues as the other third of our marriage entity as well as in Christ’s arms as two thousand years of Christianity teaches. It is the spontaneous, externally generated contact of our deceased loved one within us that many of us feel after the death of a beloved spouse.
Having just written this, this morning, gone to Church and just come home from Communion, I realize that I don’t have to seek reunion with Pat because we are still united – everything I have been writing, points out that nothing has changed: God joined us in matrimony forever. Love is stronger than death; we still love. Death was trying to trick me into believing we had lost the connection. Being in Christ’s arms and also dwelling in me, Pat realized that I would eventually discover that nothing has changed – we are still an eternal marriage trinity. This explains her “On my birthday I turn 71 but I am happy because my beloved Eric will join me.” My realization just now is my joining her or rather my re- awaking to her. She dwells in me and I dwell in her forever – that is reality.  I do not have to die to join Pat; just wake to this reality – nothing has changed.

 

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In rememberance of my departed spouse


Pat 1975.jpgDo this in remembrance of me. Well I do many things in remembrance of my departed spouse, Patricia. I think everybody wants to be remembered. That’s why they keep dairies. I keep the house pretty much as it was before we got the shocking news – mind you not as clean. My routines are pretty much as they were before she died. I kiss her photo every morning and say good morning and every evening I kiss it again and bid her good night. I repeat what we always said after “I love you forever” as well. The whole house is my memorial. I don’t want to forget one thing about our life together. All my memories of Pat bring tears and smiles and both happiness and despair and I never want them to go away. Every time I am in Church or at our grave I say a prayer for Pat and feel the warmth of her memory kneeling there beside me. I tried to finish the projects she was working on where I could either by myself or asking a friend to complete it. I put together, “Quiet Love … eyes to see and words to tell the truths that are most true.” Quiet Love … Poems,” “Found Poems: the blood and bone remember.” And “Grief: journey to GOD and us.” I bring flowers (lilacs when in bloom) to the grave as often as I visit it. I keep a running letter to her and air anything that may have been left unsaid. All her books (authored by her and her favourites) are together on the shelves she kept them on. I remember her on all our anniversaries and on family birthdays. I try to live my life in a way she would have wished. I repeat, I want to keep her memory alive in me until we reunite in our place in Heaven. It is part of her dwelling in me and me dwelling in her. I want her presence to get ever stronger in me.
I know there are some who want the memories to weaken to ease their pain. They move out of their home, take down all photos, and even move to another town. That is not me. Pat and I lived in OUR house everything was ours as our hearts belonged to each other and US. The memories are ours – us against the world. Home was our castle and the place we were and still are most together. I want to live there until I join her in our promised place in Heaven. Our TRINITY still lives in this house – memories, her presence, her writings, crafts, quilts, things she knitted and all and will until it is time to move to our garden kingdom in Heaven. I do not want that Pat sized hole in my heart to go away until it is filled again by Pat herself.

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Patricia is in our place in Heaven here and now…


A garden as our place in Heaven? Why not a garden after all Adam and Eve, the Bible tells us, started out in a garden with God? Fundamentalists have been looking for that Garden ever since here on earth. I know the creation story is myth just as the description of Heaven in Revelations is allegory and mystical symbolism. Mystics, like the author of Revelations, use symbolism to describe their experience; earthly places just do not compare. As it is written in the Bible, our place in Heaven is “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him” and thus cannot be described in physical terms. It can only be described by mystics and poets. The Garden of Eden is also a mystical revelation of the true nature of Heaven. It was not an actual place on earth that existed, as Fundamentalists believe, in the physical realm. Yes, anyone with a strong desire to be a hermit, can well believe existing in a place like the Garden of Eden for all eternity with God is truly Heaven.  The Bible tells us that Adam and Eve were with God and content and happy until they disobeyed God – evil had entered the garden. Some Jews as well as Christians believe the Garden of Eden was intended to be the eternal dwelling place of those who believe. A garden place in Heaven certainly would be Pat’s preference. She prayed that her dad would have a garden place (his dreamed of maple grove) in Heaven in her poem to her dad,

 The Maple Grove

E.E.S.  August 25, 1908   April 19, 1973

You never left us so before:

suddenly,

with no goodbye,

without a word of your return.

The masters of ceremonies tried to persuade us

you were the one lying silent

in a room heavy with flowers,

the only actor

without a speaking part.

I knew you were not there.

Others, with faces solemnly arranged

(so unlike your own)

told us you were gone

to realms

golden with angels, eternally serene.

may be so. I don’t know.

Such distant joys seem less real

than what I see

in your brothers’ faces,

hear

in your children’s voices:

shared looks, laughter inherited.

Perhaps you also evaded the angels,

and went to find

the home you often dreamed of:

the maple grove.

I believe our place, Pat’s and my place in Heaven, is indeed a garden just as she described in her poem to me in 1970:

You love me royally, as I love you,

seated together in our garden Kingdom,

keeping up our silent conversation,

clothed in robes of joy of every hue.

For us, our royal love has had no parallel:

It rooted, grew, and like a miracle

spread to the garden where in now we sit,

Clothed in the fragrance of God in it.

And this long miracle is to discover

the inmost me and you,

to nurse no longing for another,

to forge the soul and its desire together

gently, openly and forever.

Nothing grows but common flowers

outside our Kingdom’s wall.

Here alone the magic lies.

We ask nothing; we have all.

For Pat and me our place in Heaven is a garden Kingdom …. clothed in the fragrance of God. the scent of lilacs! There is nowhere else I’d rather be than in a lilac dell with God and thee, my beloved Patricia, for all eternity. She got it right yet again. She understood me as no other because we are soulmates forever. That Lilac grove garden with Pat, well I can go there in my mind simply by concentrating. The green, the light blue lilacs, the warmth, the sunlight, Pat, and the calm and great Peace, I can call them up at well. WOW what a gift. I can even smell the lilacs.

Now as to where Pat is now. “A lot of Christians … assume that the Kingdom of Heaven means the place where you go when you die — if you’ve been good. But the problem with this interpretation is that Jesus himself specifically contradicts it when he says, “The Kingdom of Heaven is within you” (that is, here) and “at hand” (that is, now). It’s not later, but lighter — some more subtle quality or dimension of experience accessible to you right in the moment. You don’t die into it: you awaken into it” — Cynthia Bourgeault in ‘The Wisdom of Jesus”. Yes, this is what I believe; death is the birth of the resurrection body. According to Christ’s words, (Luke 23:43) I believe Pat joined Christ that very day of her death, in paradise. My beloved departed spouse is neither asleep in Christ’s arms nor in Purgatory. She is awake and quite alive both in Christ and in me.

Anglicans do not believe in Purgatory. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.”  In other words, to be a part of the kingdom of God required a certain humility (“poor in spirit”). Pat’s diary showed she felt unworthy of entering Heaven. She hoped to spend some time in Purgatory so she could grow spiritually into Heaven. This despite Anglicans not believing in Purgatory. Article XXII. Of Purgatory. The Romish Doctrine concerning Purgatory, Pardons, Worshipping and Adoration, as well of Images as of Reliques, and also invocation of Saints, is a fond thing vainly invented, and grounded upon no warranty of Scripture, but rather repugnant to the Word of God.  So, Pat went directly to Heaven which is here and now and within us all with the communion of saints.

The candles went out but the dawn came and Pat is awake in Heaven in the arms of Christ!

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I’m calling it a VISION!


It was such a lovely dream yesterday that it left me feeling good all day and I went to sleep hoping for another. No, it didn’t come but I did sleep well all night; woke only to visit the WC three times. That dream started me thinking – was it only a dream or was it a vision. How did the author of Revelations know he was seeing a vision of heaven and the last days? How did Swedenborg know he was seeing the real heaven? My dream was very real to me and I felt I was seeing the real Patricia and the real heaven. That KISS was more than just feeling; it was so strong and affected my whole being – body, mind and soul. So far it is still affecting me and I am happier than I have been since Patricia departed – somehow I feel not as alone or sad. I am sure Patriicia and I are going to join again in heaven if we haven’t already in that dream – I still feel linked to her. Okay it was a vision and it helps me to believe it was as real as anything the author of Revelations or that Swedenborg saw. I repeat Anchoress and mystic Julian of Norwich’s words on why we have such visions:

““What, do you wish to know your Lord’s meaning in this thing? Know it well, love was his meaning. Who reveals it to you?
Love.
What did he reveal to you?
Love.
Why does he reveal it to you?
For love.
Remain in this and you will know more of the same.
Rest assured. All will be well. All manner of things shall be well.”

Very wise words which I shall take to heart. All really will be well with Pat and I. The Lord is my shepherd, he leads me into the place Pat is preparing for us in Heaven and we will dwell in the House of the Lord forever. Love is stronger than Death!

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Dream or Vision?


I was dreaming in that place between sleep and awake, where I still remember dreams and where I always communicate with Patricia. What a beautiful dream! It was like a vision of Heaven and the place Patricia is preparing for us.
Even though I could hear this morning’s rain outside the window, it was a sunny beautiful day in my dream. I was in a garden packed with lilacs in full bloom off in the distance was a Victorian farm house. I’ve never seen lilac bushes so fully packed with blooms. The scene was like the Lilac Dell in the Royal Ontario Botanical Gardens but much closer together bushes and much fuller blooms.

Lilac Dell

Though a gap I saw Patricia and I standing in front of our parents who were welcoming us. Our parents were not really in focus and soon vanished from the scene as did the brick farm house. Pat and I were glowing and she was beautiful, wearing that lilac blue sweater with the white doves on it she so loved. I was also kind of handsome. We looked as we did in our early 30ths but more mature and radiant. We nuzzled the lilacs and moved closer together. Then we kissed.
That kiss exploded through my soul! It filled my whole body right to the toes and finger tips. It was both intense and passionate but somehow very gentle. I felt our LOVE had somehow enveloped us more fully and made us more ONE. I also felt great peace and calm. Yes, it was like the Peace that passeth all understanding was dwelling in us.
I somehow knew that garden was ours. Pat had prepared it for us, we were joined and meant to live in this garden. It was our mansion in the Kingdom of Heaven that Christ had promised. I was so happy and wanted to stay there with Pat forever. The green, the light blue lilacs, the warmth, the sunlight, and Pat – it was much more than I could ever have imagined.
The dream, Pat, the Peace – I did not want to wake up. Now that was a beautiful dream. Thank you dream master for it.

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Marriage is a trinity


What did Patricia mean by “my beloved Eric joins me”? Well, I must begin with what Pat and I mean by marriage. We believe in the sacrament of marriage making us one entity, a trinity, three persons one entity. Husband, wife and the life-giving spirit of the marriage, are not only enveloped in a dynamic, reciprocal life of self-giving love, but they interpenetrate each other in a totally unique way without losing their distinctiveness as persons. In marriage two human beings have the ability to indwell through the soul’s connection with Christ who is LOVE.

Marriage is about such concepts as diversity, difference and mutuality, rather than with such concept as oneness as a source of power. Despite Paul’s teaching in Eph. 5:28, there is no subordination of the persons – they are equal and Husband and wife each remain distinct individuals. Paul says that husbands should love their wives “as their own bodies” (that is, in the same way as they love their own bodies – Eph. 5:28) not because a husband’s wife is identical with his own physical body. Which would be nonsense. If in submitting to her husband a wife is really just submitting to herself and not to a different person, then her husband has no distinct existence as a person.

Patricia and I were lucky enough to discover that quiet, intense love that is basic to life itself; it is seldom found in real life. We had the eyes to see and the words to tell the truths that are most real to each other.  Pat got it right from the beginning. She was a very deep thinker and wouldn’t commit to love until she had thought it through.  Pat and I were soulmates. Soulmate relationships are far and few but when they do occur, they are for eternity. This kind of relationship is marked by an intense connection between two people, two souls, one that may even be difficult to convey in words. Two people just “get each other” — they finish each other’s sentences, are best friends, and have adopted the us against the world mentality, and a us and God outlook. It feels like we are two pieces of a puzzle fitting perfectly together. In the six months from our first date to our marriage we found each other’s souls and bonded. The sacrament of marriage bound our two souls into a Trinity – one entity, three persons. I still feel that haunting familiarity – our two souls remain bonded even after her death.

Her death has, however created an imbalance in our marriage trinity. Pat has moved into the spiritual plane with God in our marriage. I alone remain in the earthly plan though both Pat and Christ dwell in me.  God is Love and Love is stronger than Death.

Trinty words

With Pat’s death and her very real appearances to me it becomes clear that our journey together continues. Our marriage and love is getting better and better.  Our individuality is part of one whole as the symbol above shows.  GOD is LOVE. The problem is I, still in the physical world, can not yet feel the whole as me – my ego keeps getting in the way. The only self I am conscious of is my own physical self. I don’t know how to shift my ego to the central “Us” in the diagram of our marriage trinity. I need God if I am to become one real being with Pat and our love – I need to become truly us. I have to open my self to both Patricia and God. Pat needs to help me as she is complete, reborn of the spirit, and I am not yet complete. She is helping by meeting me half way and I think that is what she means by my joining her. I am still becoming. I am still reaching for the ends of being and learning to touch her and God through meditation and centering prayer. That is how I will join her while still alive.

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