Soulmate love


Marriage is a commitment to sharing your life with another forever. Marriage is a journey in which you grow toward becoming “God and Us.” You truly become one with each other.
The Ancient Greeks had six Words for Love:
Eros, or sexual passion. …
Philia, or deep friendship. …
Ludus, or playful love. …
Agape, or love for everyone. …
Pragma, or longstanding love. …
Philautia, or love of the self.
The current addiction to romantic love is not Soulmate love, nor is it a lasting love. True love is Philia, Ludus, Agape and Pragma combined into one – the One God makes you in marriage. Love is in the Bible because God is Love. True love comes from within: it is here and now and forever.

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Hermits together forever!


Heaven is a resurrected Eden! This time we KNOW and are contented. We ask nothing we have all in our resurrected bodies we know God! Patricia Bow and I are back to where we began: “A Book of Verses underneath the Bough, / A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread — and Thou / Beside me singing in the Wilderness — ” Pat and I hermits together in Paradise forever!

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In a Quiet state or going mad?


Sometimes when feeling deep within myself for myself, my beloved spouse and God, my rational mind thinks I’m going mad.  There is nothing there, but dreams and I am alone. I can not awake to that great dawn until I die. But with Grace I can awake to another life within myself, my beloved spouse and God – in the fellowship of the Communion of Saints be a partaker of the Kingdom of God within. I believe I can know a difference consciousness than what I experience all the time in my daily life. Grace leads to the Presence of the One we are by marriage, to the Presence of Patricia and to the Kingdom of God within.  I feel the new order within, and I am a part of it. Because it is difficult to feel this sensation of the whole with my rational mind, I must escape my physical sensations. Am I an unconscious slave to my sensations or a conscious servant of God?  I need to know myself as ONE with the three within me. Close but not mad.  

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The Kingdom within!


After death, your beloved spouse’s Presence within you is a great comfort but it cannot replace the gentle kiss, the full embrace, the loving glance, the soft touch as she squeezes by you. She still exists but it requires God and for you to more intensely feel both God and her presence within you before you can truly touch again. Now you can feel her there around your heart but true knowing of her Presence requires being free of emotions and moving beyond them.

You need a purer, more still way to experience her full Presence. You need an awareness that is aware of the whole of what Pat called “everything.” You need to be aware of both yourself and her true self within you. You need to be what you are; beyond the ordinary sense of who you are; beyond the “I am”. You have to see when there is no visual image to see, just the feeling of her – the vision of her when your body lets go. This is the Presence, and it is life after death.

Jesus said to his beloved, “Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.” (John 20:17) Well, she has been to the Father and has now united her Presence and God through out you. There arises within you a feeling of truth, of what is real within you.

Everything is within you; she is part of you. You need to be conscious of the two parts of yourself at the same time. You need to turn the reality of your “I”, always drawn by the physical world, toward the realty of your spouse within you. The One God made you, needs to be spiritualized by each – God, your spouse and you! You also must “ascend to the Father”.

There is a light, an intelligence, a feeling, when you open yourself entirely to the Presence within. Your thoughts cease and reason disappears, and you feel truly that you are one with you departed spouse and God – C. S. Lewis’ “God and you”. As Pat said, “you have all!” You feel Love! “I am” becomes “Lord have mercy!” You see and feel the presence of your departed beloved; you blend into the One God has made you in marriage and know what is true. You have the eyes to see and the truths that are most true!

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Hope I have the eyes to see and ears to hear!


Our mind is like our lungs. It breathes in thought and breathes out thought like the lung breathes in air and breathes out air. We are not thought but like air thought is necessary for life.  We are aware of the flow in and out; it is the awareness of this flow that is ourselves.

Like air something more has to be done with thought for life to exist. Air goes to your lungs, heart and body; thought goes to your heart, soul and mind. Self -awareness is like gravity; we can’t touch it directly because it is doing the touching and the looking. But we want to know our self – it is a compulsion of the mind to know. We have to really work at it to know our self.

We have to become one with our thoughts to feel the “I” that is the real us. The heart is where we find both our self and love. The soul is both where we are and who we are. We love because the soul is love and love is God. Being aware of love proves we exist, and God exists. We don’t believe; we know.

To know our self as the observer of our thoughts proves we exist. Nothing else matters; nothing else is the real us. This observer of thoughts is the real me – the centre of my being, without which there is nothing – the tree that continues to be when there is no one about in the Quad. I exist without knowing how. To know myself is to become conscious of my inner being, the essential “I am”. 

I need a mirror to see me. I am created in God’s image. If I can see God within me, I can see the reflection of His image that is me. What is important is to become aware of God – to know God. I can only be conscious of God in quietness I must be aware of his presence in the flow of thought. I must become the emptiness, the real me, doing the looking. Pat had it right:

“Alone, my feet are

Always running back to you

On the path of dreams.

Better is one glimpse of you

In all your reality.”

And so, I must be still and know that I was created in the image of God. I must be still and look deep and know God. Seven times in the Greek Scriptures, and only from the lips of the Lord Jesus, there occurs the expression “If any man have ears to hear, let him hear!” The rest hear the words, but do not grasp the meaning; the multitude have no ears to hear, all will be wasted upon them. Sure, hope I have the ears to hear and eyes to see.

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The Holy Trinity and the Law of Three


We worship one God in Trinity and the Trinity in Unity. Neither confusing the Persons; nor dividing the substance. God in Trinity is within us. God the Father is the active force; God the Son is the passive force! God the Holy Spirit is the reconciling force. The Father sent the Son. The Son returned to the Father. The Son sent the Holy Spirit to comfort us and return us to the Father. We see the “I” in His “I am.” I am here to know myself and my beloved Patricia within God. This is my understanding so far of “The Holy Trinity and the Law of Three; discovering the radical truth at the heart of Christianity.” (Cynthia Bourgeault) I need to observe the Trinity and my “I’” doing the observing at the same time. This requires a precise relationship between my usual way of thinking and my meditations. One must submit to the other, or I will be taken by subjective thought and won’t “see.”  So far, I seem to be lost in the dark and missing something. I’m still struggling with the Holy Trinity as a “vision of the nature of reality.” I believe Jesus’ words in Luke 17:21 that the kingdom of God is within you (or among you). I believe the kingdom of God is essentially inward, within man’s heart; it is here and now. Somewhere deep within our hearts the light of heaven is shining. The inspiration I seek is already within me.

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I am what I am


“To be really who we are, we need to subtract from ourselves, not add,” Franciscan Sister Norma Rocklage explains. “Our true self is to get rid of whatever we have piled on ourselves that gets in the way.”
I am more than the sum of my experiences; there is something else; the real me wanting to be known. I live in my own narrow, limited world, commanded by associations from all my subjective impressions. This is the prison Pat wrote about in her Poem “Mark 10:17 – 25” (January 21, 1972)

I live in the soft prison of my desires,
Home of all my comforts.
There is no other tenant,
And nothing breaks the silence.

Outside, in clarity of sun and wind, 
God’s voice reaches men
As well as angels, 
Hands touch, 
And eyes look out for love.

I am a prisoner,
Reaching no hands outward,
Having withdrawn self to self.
Accustomed to my prison now,
I love it, fear to leave it.

The real me is not thought or felt. The real me is remembered from the memory of that love deep within, from my love for Pat. I love; therefore I am. God is love and must be present for me to exist, for me to be “I am.” I must feel the primordial vibration of God’s Love to be truly “I am” and one with my beloved. God and she are the life within me. There is an “I am” experiencing the One God made Pat and I in marriage. It is our soul and it shall never die! She is still within me; she is the one knowing our self. Our soul is who we are; the “I am” of us.
Yes, Pat is still here with me the point of her poem “In Prison with you” (October 1992)” last two verses:

I am still here
But now I can 
get out
any time I like.

What stops me is 
The fact
That you won’t come
And I know
You would be lonely.

We seek to approach God, to open the door to what is hidden in us and pass beyond. It is necessary to submit entirely to the Kingdom of Heaven within; to feeling the divine, to feel the sacred in us, for each to love each other and Love. God is found within. Truth, the only truth, is in consciousness. The Lord our God is one Lord; and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength. This is how Pat “hypnotized the guards” and set us free.

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