The answer to Why

“The other momentous phrase that Jesus repeated at the Last Supper is the phrase “for you”. In the accounts of Matthew, Mark and Luke — and in Paul’s too (1 Corinthians 11:24ff.) — Jesus says, my body “given for you,””broken for you,” and my blood “poured out for you, ” Anyone who has ever enjoyed lovemaking knows that the thrill comes not just from the physical sensation but from the other person’s desire to be specifically with you, to be naked for you, to delight in you, to pleasure you. You always want to say, “But why me?” And you hope the other says, “Because I love you!” It is the ultimate and very specific I-Thou experience of Martin Buber.” — page 135 Richard Rohr “The Universal Christ”

The answer to “why” in both marriage and life is Love. God is within both and loves you! The best love stories end in death; lovers do not fear death. Death is their final and complete surrender to each other. Lovers instinctively know that Love is forever and is stronger than Death. The answer is always “because I love you!”

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Love and Marriage and Grief

Love needs an object; only saints can learn to love without an object. At first, we love only ourselves and our care giver; some never get past this aggressive self love. Most people need another human being, lover, friend, sibling, child, to give love its meaning, to keep themselves both sane and happy, to love God. As the Bible says, “He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” (1 John 4:8) In marriage two become One, serving as each other’s reason to keep putting one foot in front of the other in a hopeful and happy way. Our spouse connects us to our hearts, our minds and each other. It is Love that grounds us in one another and God. Love teaches us to give ourselves totally. Again, if you don’t love you cannot know God. The Death of a loved one can throw a spanner in the works. The tendency is to cling to the memories of your beloved as if she has gone somewhere and you have lost her. She has gone to God and God is within you. She is also still within you because she is in God. We are still One and still Love. Love is stronger than Death. So as “37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40.)

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When soulmates marry

The secret of a good marriage is to love and to keep God and each other within the marriage, to live your faith and become persons fully in communion with each other and God. A good marriage is more than a series of events, it is life itself. You don’t measure it by where you have been or what you have done; it is two become one emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, financially, and in every other way. Even as one part of the body cares for the other body parts so each partner in the marriage is to care for the other. Marriage is created in God’s image – the trinity of God and us. In Matthew 19: 4-6, Jesus says as much:

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

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Grief two years 4 months later.

In the early stages of grief we barely care about anything because the worst has happened. We walk in darkness. Eventually, if we believe, that empty hole around our heart is filled with the Presence of our beloved and we fill with Love again! But grief is forever (as is our love) and every so often we have a night where we walk in darkness and dream of abandonment and loss. You wake up shaken and full of doubt. That is when we need Psalm 23 the most. God is like a good shepherd who provides and cares for His sheep. Patricia Bow‘s words provide the solass I need, ” We ask nothing; we have all!” Yes we have need of nothing because our shepherd provides everything. We dwell in Love in the House of the Lord forever our cup runneth over!

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The Love you seek is within you!

Love is within us all: God is Love. You are in love and love is in you. Love is in your heart and in your soul and in your mind.  It is in your blood and bone.  It is in your very spirit. We meditate to reach the spirit within. Controlling the breath typically leads to subtle tensions defeating the value of using breath to calm the mind; if you concentrate on your breathing you will never get to a meditative state. In meditation the goal is to separate the mind from the body – to get beyond your ego, to find your soul, to find the love within.

Love simply takes us as we are; it isn’t drawn in with the air we breath it is already within us. Love is in every part of you – in your blood and bone.  When we meet, our soulmate is a mirror reflecting our best self and our worst self – if you don’t love yourself you can’t love your soulmate. The mirror does not change us; it simply shows us what we are. Our soulmate is one with us experiencing us as we both are. We are love, unconditional love. In marriage we love the romance, intimacy, mutuality, and vulnerability of each other – that is what it means to become one.

Our heart is the core of our being – physically pumping blood and emotionally serving as the place where our judgement, character and beliefs are formed. The heart is the seat of Love.  When our beloved dies the heart (or the empty space around it) is where we feel her presence and her continuing love. She is really present within our heart, not merely symbolically or metaphorically. Christ’s victory was over death. God is Love and is not God of the dead, but God of the living because we all live in God. (Luke 20:38) and Christ’s victory was over Death.

There is in all of us an essential energy that is basic to our existence.  Pat recognized it and was convinced it was the basis of our existence after death. We do not feel it because our attention is occupied by every day living and our ego. I do not know what I am or who it is doing the knowing. Yet something tells me to reach beyond my ego, to listen, to seek. To look within we must go beyond the ego to see our self as we are in sleep. I must awake into an entirely different life I must awake to another life in myself, the self that knows God within me. I must awaken as though by a light – that same light at the end of the tunnel in the Near-Death Experience. We must wake by becoming aware of God at the end of the tunnel. We must awake when we are not entirely awake.  We can awake to a higher reality in ourselves. We must awake to a state that is of an entirely different quality than we experience all the time. It is like when we die awakening to the reality of God.  As Paul says, “that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. (Ephesians 4:22-24)

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”  — Rumi

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Joined together in the sight of God!

To love someone “in God” is to love them for their own sake and not for what they do for me. Soulmate love is agape not erotic love. Agape love is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love. It is the highest of the four types of love in the Bible; Agape perfectly describes the kind of love Jesus Christ has for his Father and for mankind. Erotic love is said to naturally fade within a year of its beginning; it has very little staying power. Soulmate love is agape and is forever; it is sufficient in itself – the only true basis for marriage. It is its own end, its own merit, its own satisfaction. As Patricia Bow said, “we ask nothing, we have all.” We both could face anything even death itself if the other was by our side. Marriage was our deepest identity and what we were created in and for. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God lives in them.

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Why is Dying so hard?

In her last week Patricia Bow asked about dying, “Why is it so hard?” She also wrote: ” I hate the fact that I am making several loved people unhappy.” The thing about dying is that no one wants you to die. She cared about how her loved ones were going to feel. Nobody wanted her to die and she didn’t want to hurt those she loved. Well she was right, I am never going to get over it. Love lasts forever.
“But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O [Patricia] …, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.” Isaiah 43: 1-2 King James Version (KJV)
“Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.” Patricia our love lives on, it does not die with the body. Love is stronger than Death!

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