Grief two years 4 months later.


In the early stages of grief we barely care about anything because the worst has happened. We walk in darkness. Eventually, if we believe, that empty hole around our heart is filled with the Presence of our beloved and we fill with Love again! But grief is forever (as is our love) and every so often we have a night where we walk in darkness and dream of abandonment and loss. You wake up shaken and full of doubt. That is when we need Psalm 23 the most. God is like a good shepherd who provides and cares for His sheep. Patricia Bow‘s words provide the solass I need, ” We ask nothing; we have all!” Yes we have need of nothing because our shepherd provides everything. We dwell in Love in the House of the Lord forever our cup runneth over!

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The Love you seek is within you!


Love is within us all: God is Love. You are in love and love is in you. Love is in your heart and in your soul and in your mind.  It is in your blood and bone.  It is in your very spirit. We meditate to reach the spirit within. Controlling the breath typically leads to subtle tensions defeating the value of using breath to calm the mind; if you concentrate on your breathing you will never get to a meditative state. In meditation the goal is to separate the mind from the body – to get beyond your ego, to find your soul, to find the love within.

Love simply takes us as we are; it isn’t drawn in with the air we breath it is already within us. Love is in every part of you – in your blood and bone.  When we meet, our soulmate is a mirror reflecting our best self and our worst self – if you don’t love yourself you can’t love your soulmate. The mirror does not change us; it simply shows us what we are. Our soulmate is one with us experiencing us as we both are. We are love, unconditional love. In marriage we love the romance, intimacy, mutuality, and vulnerability of each other – that is what it means to become one.

Our heart is the core of our being – physically pumping blood and emotionally serving as the place where our judgement, character and beliefs are formed. The heart is the seat of Love.  When our beloved dies the heart (or the empty space around it) is where we feel her presence and her continuing love. She is really present within our heart, not merely symbolically or metaphorically. Christ’s victory was over death. God is Love and is not God of the dead, but God of the living because we all live in God. (Luke 20:38) and Christ’s victory was over Death.

There is in all of us an essential energy that is basic to our existence.  Pat recognized it and was convinced it was the basis of our existence after death. We do not feel it because our attention is occupied by every day living and our ego. I do not know what I am or who it is doing the knowing. Yet something tells me to reach beyond my ego, to listen, to seek. To look within we must go beyond the ego to see our self as we are in sleep. I must awake into an entirely different life I must awake to another life in myself, the self that knows God within me. I must awaken as though by a light – that same light at the end of the tunnel in the Near-Death Experience. We must wake by becoming aware of God at the end of the tunnel. We must awake when we are not entirely awake.  We can awake to a higher reality in ourselves. We must awake to a state that is of an entirely different quality than we experience all the time. It is like when we die awakening to the reality of God.  As Paul says, “that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. (Ephesians 4:22-24)

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”  — Rumi

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Joined together in the sight of God!


To love someone “in God” is to love them for their own sake and not for what they do for me. Soulmate love is agape not erotic love. Agape love is selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love. It is the highest of the four types of love in the Bible; Agape perfectly describes the kind of love Jesus Christ has for his Father and for mankind. Erotic love is said to naturally fade within a year of its beginning; it has very little staying power. Soulmate love is agape and is forever; it is sufficient in itself – the only true basis for marriage. It is its own end, its own merit, its own satisfaction. As Patricia Bow said, “we ask nothing, we have all.” We both could face anything even death itself if the other was by our side. Marriage was our deepest identity and what we were created in and for. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God lives in them.

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Why is Dying so hard?


In her last week Patricia Bow asked about dying, “Why is it so hard?” She also wrote: ” I hate the fact that I am making several loved people unhappy.” The thing about dying is that no one wants you to die. She cared about how her loved ones were going to feel. Nobody wanted her to die and she didn’t want to hurt those she loved. Well she was right, I am never going to get over it. Love lasts forever.
“But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O [Patricia] …, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.” Isaiah 43: 1-2 King James Version (KJV)
“Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.” Patricia our love lives on, it does not die with the body. Love is stronger than Death!

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One with God


Last night I dreamt Patricia Bow and I were swimming in a blue lagoon (Yes think the movie “The Blue Lagoon 1980”) and after I awoke I lay in bed thinking; these thoughts came to mind:
The Gospel says God and Heaven are within us here and now. God is in everything. The reverse is also true , everything is in God. We are in God as a drop of water is in the sea. As Rumi says, “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” Pat and I are one in Christ; we are all one in God (Gal 3:28). Not only are we created in the image of God, we inhabit God now and forever – we never left the Garden of Eden. Everyone both ascends and descends into God. We swim in the vast, warm, comforting lagoon – the warm waters of Love caressing, supporting us, rejoicing in the fellowship, partakers of His heavenly kingdom, at one with our loved ones departed this life in faith and love. God’s Kingdom dwells in our heart and all around us – when you know yourself you know God.

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More than life itself!


Patricia Bow and I were in union with God from the very beginning. We just had to recognize that there is an absolute, eternal union between God and the soul within all of us and in everything. As Paul says we are “hidden with Christ in God.” (Colossians 3:3) and “the whole creation . . . is being brought into the same glorious freedom as the children of God” (Romans 8:21). Pat is one with me and I am one with her, our soul is one with God forever. Neither one of us can possibly go to heaven alone – or it would not be heaven. As Paul says, “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39 KJV). When Pat and I married we were already “God and us.” but still needed our times alone to search for our self, prisoners of our ego. Over our 48 years together alive we recovered the original unity the God and us we really were seeking. Our love was basic to our life! As Pat wrote on Easter 1975:

Basic

I love you little more than I love air
For evert time I draw a breath
A puff withstands the void of death:
I love you little more than I love air.

I love you little more than I love water,
It sends the new green springing high,
Without it I would surely die:
I love you little more than I love water.

I love you little more than I love bread.
It binds the muscle to the bone,
It sends the heartbeat throbbing on:
I love you little more than I love bread.

Love was basic to our very being. It was who and what we were and still are. Love is all; love is everything. As Pat said, “We ask nothing, we have all!” Life and love are forever. As surely as night follows day, Patricia is within me and I am within her. Why then is it so hard to reach within and hold her tight while I still dwell here on earth?

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Blessed to find my soulmate


God, the love within you, is the bonding process of soulmates. God makes the soulmates One with Him and each other. A soulmate relationship is what C. S. Lewis meant when he urged Vanauken to strive for “God and us.” Soulmates give each other power over each other. As Pat said, “we ask nothing, we have all.” Soulmates open their heart to each other and God. I am one with Pat and she is one with me, and we dwell together in God forever. Neither of us can possibly go to Heaven alone or it would not be heaven! Soulmates are forever because Love is forever. Love is stronger than death.

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