Patricia, Me and God!


Yes exactly what Patricia and I had; we were aware of our unfolding love for each other and God! Every morning we woke up together into our love. It is still there even though she is on the other side of the door. The door is not locked.

….

“One main reason for the strong attraction we feel toward those who are special to us is that when we’re with them, they “move” us like no one else can; they literally awaken in us wonderful thoughts and feelings ordinarily inaccessible to us through any of our other relationships. We all know something of these feelings: perhaps we’ve told someone, “I love the way you make me feel.” And let it also be noted here that these kinds of feelings don’t just apply to relationships with significant others. We are also granted a similar special awareness of ourselves when we watch a loving mother care for her newborn baby, when we see a puppy chase its own tail, or when we stand in a field of wildflowers as their petals reflect the morning sun.” ‘Relationship Magic Waking up together’ – Guy Finlay

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1969 was an incredibly good year!


The year 1969 was in my head all night.

1969 was an incredibly good year!

Pat on break at home in Ottawa, wrote in her small Address book – didn’t start a dairy until year after– for January 1, 1969:

-Family gathering for dinner.

-Ivor phones.

-Evening: the break with Rob.

January 8: Eric – Proposal.

[She wrote me a note day after this requesting I not mention marriage just yet]

Thu Jan 23: Education show at CNE.

Walking alone Lakeshore.

[Note she wrote the poem ‘By the Lakeshore” describing us as “Small bubbles of happy heat / In a cold universe.”

Wed February 5: Eric’s Birthday 26 years old!

Fri February 7: Birthday dinner for E – my place.

Sun February 9: Get Engaged.

Fri February 14: Valentines Day

-Buy ring

-Steak & Burger

– TPL for ‘Marriage Italian Style’ (Play)

-Goldfish

Mon February 16: |St. Stephen-in-the-Fields for marriage instruction.

Sun April 27: Find Apartment – 177 St. George Apt 608

June 21: Wedding Day

4pm wedding

5 Reception

8:30 Bali Hi

11:00 Windsor Arms Hotel

Sun June 22: Steak breakfast.

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A Dream of Heaven


The Imagination is truly a wonderful thing that makes things never seen, seem real. I dreamt of Pat last night!  We have all read: we are “…  born a natural body: it is raised a spiritual body.” (1 Corinthians 15:44) She was radiant and had a brilliance but, was immediately recognized as my beloved Patricia. Our bodies were us at our best, powerful and strong but as if we were water. We were able to merge with each other as two rivers merge into the ocean. It was like a sexual experience in which that ocean all around us participated, welcoming us.  It was warm, comforting and very pleasant. Our bodies were real, visible, capable of being handled, and recognizable. There were no trumpets, no cymbals and voices shouting hosanas, just my Beloved Patricia, me and the felt presence of God. We were on a rock-bound coast like Patricia’ well loved Nova Scotia Shore, we were in our idea of paradise. And there higher up on the shore was that home Patricia and Christ had gone to prepare for use in His Fathers house.  We were in Communion with God and each other. I know, I know, the emphasis on domestic happiness and never-ending spiritual progress in heaven is largely a modern innovation with no Biblical support.  I think for me Heaven has always been the lost Eden where believers return to develop further spiritually with our beloved One.

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Quiet Love


Patricia and I experienced no explosion of falling in Love described in C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity”, romance novels and movies. Ours was a Quiet love there were no fireworks; it was like planting a seed that grows and grows. We just loved and that love grew. We truly loved each other as we loved ourselves. I wonder if Lewis would have written this after he met Joy and fell in love with her. The movie Shadowlands, the 1993 British biographical drama film about the relationship between C. S. Lewis and American poet Joy Davidman and his letters seem to point to our quiet love in which they were in love with each other and God. Yes, Love is different from being “in love”. And yes, you can as we did maintain this quiet love over fifty years and forever because such a Love is stronger than death.

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By Faith Alone


To know God and enter the Kingdom of God you must believe!  Hebrews 11:6 “…  he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.” Faith is the path to the Kingdom. Faith is relying on God when looking to the future and obeying even when we don’t fully understand. As the Anglican Prayer Book has us repeat every Communion. “The Lord our God is one Lord; and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it: Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”  In Romans 3:28 we read that “The righteous shall live by faith.”  Justification by faith alone, distinguishes most Protestant denominations from the Catholic, Eastern Orthodox and Oriental Orthodox churches. What is “Loving the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul” if not having true Faith? Through Faith all water flows to the sea.

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September 5, 2020 Dream


I seemed to be on a campus going up in an elevator.  The door opened and there was Pat waiting for me. I was expected. The building was all glass and I could see banks of clouds over mountains, steep forests, dark valleys, and bright golden blinding light every where even the ocean waves were bright with light. It seemed a heavenly version of Pat’s beloved rock-bound Nova Scotia Coast surrounded this campus. It was the Kingdom: nothing superstitious or mythological but everything superstitious and mythological! And then there was my beloved Patricia! She was like lightning, her clothes if indeed she was clothed were an illusion of nakedness as if her spirit were shining through. “This too can be you,” she whispered, “we have yet to do the exam.  Hurry, hurry, we shouldn’t be late.”

As we began to climb the staircase before us. I lost her. I was the stranger here and I should have taken her hand.  In panic I ran up and up until I came to a registrar’s office.  “Am I late? Is she here!”  “No and yes go in and see.”  There she was she had prepared a desk beside her just for me. “We become truly one here that is why I waited by the elevator for you.”  Passed and graduated to the Heavenly ONE. What needs could we have now that we have each other and God? We are now complete. We are One with each other and Love Himself. Never lonely again. We have begun our journey in Paradise.

And so, I awoke!

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I love her a little more than life itself.


Often when ruminating in my favourite chair after a meal I find my mind filling with Joy and a great comforting bliss. I wonder if it is my Beloved Pat whispering my favourite poem of hers in my ear.

Basic by Patricia A. Bow Easter 1975

I love you little more than I love air

for every time I draw a breath

a puff withstands the void of death:

I love you little more than I love air.

I love you little more than I love water.

It sends the new green springing high,

without it I would surely die;

I love you little more than I love water.

I love you little more than I love bread.

It binds the muscle to the bone,

it sends the heartbeat throbbing on;

I love you little more than I love bread.

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Hallelujah! God is Love!


It is important to remember Jesus was a Jew teaching Jews using their scripture. For those Jews, Judgement was an occasion of universal rejoicing not of punishment for your sins.

“The ancient Jews, like ourselves, think of God’s judgement in terms of an earthly court of justice. The difference is that the Christian pictures the case to be tried as a criminal case with himself in the dock; the Jew pictures it as a civil case with himself as the plaintiff. The one hopes for acquittal, or rather for pardon; the other hopes for a resounding triumph with heavy damages. Hence he prays ‘judge my quarrel’, or ‘avenge my cause’ (35:23). And though, as I said a minute ago, Our Lord in the parable of the Sheep and the Goats painted the characteristically Christian picture, in another place He is very characteristically Jewish.” [C.S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms]

Gives a whole new meaning to John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” We have won by the grace of God our civil suit; God’s judgement “is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” God is LOVE!

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A MUST share


Found one of those Wow passages in C.S. Lewis ‘Letters to Malcolm, chiefly on Prayer’ (Letter XXII) that spoke to a great truth I have been searching fort.

“….that memory as we now know it is a dim foretaste, a mirage even, of a power which the soul, or rather Christ in the soul (he ‘went to prepare a place for us’) will exercise hereafter. It need no longer be intermittent. Above all, it need no longer be private to the soul in which it occurs….

“At present we tend to think of the soul as somehow ‘inside’ the body. But the glorified body of the resurrection as I conceive it-the sensuous life raised from its death-will be inside the soul. As God is not in space but space is in God. …

“The strangest discovery of a widower’s life is the possibility, sometimes, of recalling. with detailed and uninhibited imagination, with tenderness and gratitude, a passage of carnal love, yet with no re-awakening of concupiscence. And when this occurs (it must not be sought) awe comes upon us. It is like seeing Nature itself rising from its grave. What was sown in momentariness is raised in still permanence. What was sown as a becoming rises as being. Sown in subjectivity, it rises in objectivity. The transitory secret of two is now a chord in the ultimate music. …

“’But this,’ you protest, ‘is no resurrection of the body’. You have given the dead a sort of dream world and dream bodies. They are not real.’ Surely neither less nor more real than those you have always known: you know better than I that the ‘real world’ of our present experience (coloured,
resonant, soft or hard, cool or warm, all corseted by perspective) has no place in the world described by physics or even physiology. Matter enters our experience only by becoming sensation (when we perceive it) or conception (when we understand it). That is, by becoming soul….”

Amen, this is true! As Lewis concludes “If they are not true, something better will be. For ‘we know that we shall be made like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.’

Amen this is true!

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God is within you!


When I pray is it me speaking to myself or God to Himself? When I feel a Presence is it my beloved departed spouse or is God within comforting me? ” Don’t you find that, if you keep your mind fixed upon God, you automatically think of the person you are praying for; but that there is no tendency for it to work the other other way around?” [C.S. Lewis]
“They tell me Lord that when I seem / To be in speech with you, / Since but one voice is heard, its all a dream, / One talker aping two ” [unknown poet]
“The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind The answer is blowin’ in the wind!” Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you. Luke 17:21

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