To another solitude

I am neither an Apostle nor a Saint for I have never seen the risen Christ. I’m not even sure I  have the ears to hear or the eyes to see the hidden meaning in His word.  Yet I believe my beloved Patricia lives! For I have seen her standing before me when I awake, gently touching me, comforting me. Yes that gentle kiss on my lips that awakened me from a nap on the couch the day after she died was very real. “…The body is sown in corruption, it is raised in incorruption. 43 It is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness, it is raised in power. 44 It is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body.” 1 Corinthians 42-44. Yes she still lives and we are One in God – two joined as One in a resurrection body dwelling within.  I believe in God with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my mind, and with all my strength. That day after kiss was all it took!

Patricia my beloved is at peace, that same love and peace of God that surrounds and upholds all who love and mourn.  Neither death nor any created thing is able to separate us from the divine love we share in Holy Matrimony – it continues beyond death for all eternity.  Now we see through a glass dimly, but then we shall see clearly face to face. The mystery of death and the wonder of life are one.  Once, we were within the security of the womb and faced the trauma of birth not knowing the awesome wonders nor the love that awaited us in the world yet to be experienced.  So shall it be in death.  “Death is not the extinguishing of the light, it is but the putting out of the lamp for the dawn has come.”  God is Love and we love forever!

My five essential truths that are most true:

  1. Love is from God, whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.
  2. Love is stronger than death even though it can’t stop death from happening; no matter how hard death tries it can’t separate what Love has joined.
  3. I love Pat and Pat loves me forever; until death do us part is meaningless.
  4. By marriage, two are united into One, a Trinity in the image of God,
  5. Pat dwells in me and I in her through God for all eternity because God is Love.


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Written When Pat returned home for Christmas break from UofTFlis 1968.

The Departure

It does not do, it does not do
This tension between the two.
They sit and glare
At each other, then turn,
And into empty space they stare.

Two, of course there are two;
The one’s anger barely controlled.
The other does not smile or smoke;
His hair long and plausive;
Bastard, sitting there,
wants to be loved.

She does not stir
She does not speak.
They talk in whispers,
Anger barely hid.
“What do you do?”
“Are you from the city?”
“Where do you live?”
Bland platitudes exchanged
Over a surface of anger, anger.

The one wishes they had exchanged loves,
That he had more a right to speak,
That he could make demands.
The other, old friend, gentleman,
Empty, sad and full of need,
Just sits there;
He wants to be loved.

The other is- the more forceful.
He is the precious bearer of her load
He says the one will not be travelling far.
He puts the one in his place.
There is no load for the one to bear.

The underground is closed,
He takes command,
A carriage is hailed
The one sent packing
Without a farewell kiss.
The one walks home lonely and alone,
He wishes they had exchanged loves
That he had more a right to speak
That he could make demands;
But the other is her old, old friend.

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The Dream of things to be.

The Dream of things to be
December 1968/1969
Revised November 2019.
Eric Bow
Come walk with me,
talk with me
of loneliness,
of dying,
the need for crying.
not to argue
or explain.
Can you relate,
bring two beings into one?
Walking alone together,
in silent conversation,
only living
with each other,
nothing left to see
but the one
within you and me
We talk of things we shall never see,
of the unborn and the yet to be,
the soul within you and me,
the empty void within
crying to the empty void without.
Our soul is transformed,
changed beyond all change.
Yes, we ask nothing
We have all!
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Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s and unto God that which is God’s

“The Eastern Orthodox wedding ceremony is an ancient rite full of profound symbolism and meaning. The couple is led through the ceremony by their priest and their koumbaros, a best man who remains an important figure in the couple’s life. Most rituals are performed three times to represent the Holy Trinity.” There is much here that we in the West can learn from.
The two become one in a life of mutual love and mutual subjection to each other in Christ. Neither the husband nor the wife places any sort of cord around the other’s neck, the wedding ring symbolizes alliance never bondage. Christ changes the union of one man and one woman into something new. Marriage becomes more than a mere human institution, existing for whatever purpose a society assigns it. It becomes, like the Church Herself, a sign that God’s Kingdom has already begun in our midst. Yes that was/is what Pat and I believe – united as one forever in the image of God. Much more than just a civil contract between two people.

The civil contract is the State’s to change; not so, the union created by Christ. Matthew 19:6: So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined togetherlet no one separate.” “The gospel, from John (2:1-11),  is the familiar account of the Marriage at Cana where Christ turns the water into wine. A person must drink water simply to survive. Wine, on the other hand, is more than just a drink that quenches thirst and continues life. Wine is associated with joy, with celebration, with life as being more than mere survival. By His presence at this wedding He changes the union of man and woman into something new. Marriage becomes more than a mere human institution, existing for whatever purpose a society assigns it. It becomes, like the Church Herself, a sign that God’s Kingdom has already begun in our midst.

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Early morning thoughts just keep coming

Christ opens us to ourselves. He is the source of everything within us. His great gift is sending us the Comforter, the Holy Spirit that opens our heart, our eyes and our ears to the divine within us; enabling us to see within the “I am.” We are also “I am” because Christ died for us so that we may live, feel, think, hurt, cry, laugh, and love. Christ told us “be in harmony” with and to love everyone and everything. God joins us in marriage to resonate with our beloved, to vibrate in tune with her like two violins playing the song of life. You have found your soulmate when you complement each other and are one in harmony with each other. For she dwells within you in the Kingdom of God which is within us. (LK 12:12) As C.S. Lewis wrote to Vanauken, in marriage we seek to become “God and Us”. The “I am” within us, the true self, is a bridge between us and the One who made us one in marriage.

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Mary Magdalene, Apostle to the Apostles

The Seven Demons of Mary Of Magdala had nothing to do with sexual matters; (in 1969 the Catholic Church cleared Mary Magdalene of the prostitute label and recognized her as the Apostle to the Apostles. I think of the seven demons as personality disorders which Christ drove out so she could have the “Ears to hear” and fully understand the wisdom he was teaching. The fist was Darkness or depression; the second Cravings or want; the third, Ignorance; the fourth, Lethal Jealousy; the fifth, Enslavement to the Body; the sixth, Intoxicated Wisdom; the seventh, Guileful Wisdom. (As named and listed in the Gospel of Mary Magdalene.) These are the moods we all fall into occasionally in our Wrath and Anxiety and Pride. In driving them out of Mary Christ frees her from ignorance and gives her true Wisdom. You need to be free of these “demons” if you are going to meditate successfully and find the true you within.

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A New Journey

Pat’s favourite author was Tolkien. She knew Death wasn’t the end but a new beginning closer than ever to your beloved spouse and God. You don’t leave your beloved spouse behind, you move closer within your oneness. Death is salvation: you begin the journey back to the Garden where we all were before the Fall. Pat knew the answer to her poem
“How do they know where to go, when night has come down,
When the waves burrow under the gale,
Where do the birds go, when they mourn off this dim coastline,
And night gathers them, and all lights blow out?”
She dreamt of this “… breaking free ,
Hair , skin, eyes, alone and naked,
Riding the wind above a raging sea.”
She is One with me in our heavenly Garden by the sea. No longer dream but reality!

Image may contain: ocean, text, outdoor, nature and water
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