We love therefore we exist

Descartes’ “I think therefore I am” in itself doesn’t prove existence. It is the awareness of “thinking” that proves existence. God created the universe to be aware of Himself. Creation is an act of self love, God is Love. God knows Himself. The tree in the quad exists because God is always aware of it. The question now becomes, what in us is aware of thinking. Who am I? I am more than that mighty oak in the quad.  The Bible tells us that God created us in his own image, Genesis 1:26 “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness… “ Christians in every land unite in proclaiming that our God eternally exists as FatherSon, and Holy Spirit. So, I am three? There are two answers, both Yes! First, I am a trinity of heart, soul and mind. Second, in Marriage Patricia and I were joined together as one in and by God. Mark 10:9 “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.“  We are a trinity and shall be forever – Pat, me and our Love and shall be forever One. What proves I exist is the One within me doing the observing, the unity of heart, soul and mind. Pat and I are absolutely real as is her presence within me and we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

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Meditation on Psalm 23

Remarkable experience this morning!

I awoke to a feeling of warmth and the presence of Pat in that empty space around my heart. I was thinking or rather reciting the 23rd Psalm but a version where the singular became the third person – like YH to YHWH. Pat was present with me and I don’t think I was dreaming but we were reciting together.

“23 The Lord is our shepherd; we shall not want. 2 He maketh us to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth us beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth our soul: he leadeth us in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Yea, though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we shall fear no evil: for thou art with us; thy rod and thy staff they comfort us. 5 Thou preparest a table before us in the presence of our enemies: thou anointest our head with oil; our cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our life: and we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

I surrendered to the thoughts of the Psalm. Grief is the valley of the shadow of death.  Pat and I had walked through that valley. Back in time we were preparing our wedding table – His hand was on the cutting knife with ours. I was comfortable with these feelings flowing over us. – we were living Psalm 23.  I surrendered to a feeling of intense prayer and great peace. The Lord truly is our shepherd.

The dawn had come. Pat was within me. She filled that empty space. I was whole again. We were One – of no other family relationship does God make two One!  Pat, me, our quiet love all three in one moment (about 20 minutes) of remarkable warmth and peace. I wanted it to last forever. This was my morning meditation on Psalm 23. We were heart to heart with each other. Surely goodness and mercy will be with Pat and I forever.

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Known by God

“I am” is the very name of God, that essence of me that I truly bear, the inner most quality of being alive. When I die it is all that is left of me. It is my reality that exists forever; the energy that can not be destroyed. It is LOVE, God’s Love in and by which we all exist; Love makes us one with each other and God. We are not alone. “…for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.” (Luke 17:21). Pat and I and God exist as one. God made us One within Himself. The real me exists in the One that God made us when we loved and were married. We live in the light of God “Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.”(― Rabindranath Tagore) When Pat first heard these word, at the end of a church service, the truth of them hit her like a punch in the stomach and she gasped and tears came welling up in her. She had seen the Light, the Kingdom of God exists within us our heart, our soul and our mind. We are persons of love – love is forever. What is this world – for that matter what is the Big Bang – if it is not perceived it is nothing. The universe exists because it is perceived by us and God – it is God knowing himself. God is the great “I am”- He thinks so it exists. He is YHWH.
“Our knowledge of God is paradoxically not of him as the object of our scrutiny, but of ourselves as utterly dependent on his saving and merciful knowledge of us. It is in proportion, as we are known to him that we find our real being and identity in Christ. We know him in and through ourselves in so far as his truth is the source of our being and his merciful love is the very heart of our life and existence.” – Thomas Merton.

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Awakening the heart!

Jesus taught that “Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.” (Luke 17:21) That Kingdom of Heaven within us is our inner most essence, the very image of God He created us to be.

God also made us One in marriage. Pat and I were attuned and responded directly to one another, our innermost aliveness and quality. In her own words, “You love me royally, as I love you, / seated together in our garden Kingdom, / keeping up our silent conversation, / clothed in robes of joy of every hue.”

God is love and we touch the essence of God when we love. God is the white light of Love. He is both the lover and the Loved, God through Christ and in Marriage has made us One. God is that love!

I sometimes feel I know that One. Then it all falls away and I become the lost one, lonely and missing my beloved Patricia. Where is my beloved, was she ever here? In Pat’s words, “I live in the soft prison of my desires, / Home of all my comforts. / There is no other tenant, / And nothing breaks the silence.”

That emptiness around my heart is at the very Centre of my Oneness with my departed spouse. It is the true me, the centre of our soul. It determines my relationship with Pat and God. I need to awaken to the dawn where Pat is – in our Garden Kingdom.

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Grief and Emptiness

Consider the grief that lovers feel. It is emptiness, sorrel for your departed loved one, that hollow around your heart once filled to overflowing with her essential being. An absence where everything becomes essential, each sound distinct and bare, and clear. Heartbroken, lonely, wordless, lost, fearful and yes ecstatic. It is the long dark night of the soul. “Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come” but, for the surviving lover it is like living in a ruin, in the blank state of knowing her no more. You live in your heart searching for the dawn of your beloved there. Christ said, “And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” (Luke 11:9) Be quiet and listen, don’t try to answer now. “Love’s secret is always lifting its head out from under the covers, “Here I am.” אני “ The inspiration you seek is already within you. Be silent and listen.” ― Rumi.  Love is stronger than death; Love is forever. I shall love my beloved Patricia Bow forever. When she and God are ready that empty space will fill once again with her essential being. She already dwells within and I rejoice in her Love and in the blessed company of the communion of saints.

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When lovers kiss

“You love me royally, as I love you.
Seated together in our garden Kingdom,
Keeping up our silent conversation,
Clothed in robes of joy of every hue.
For us, our royal love has had no parallel:
It rooted, grew, and like a miracle
Spread to the garden where in now we sit.
Clothed in the fragrance of God in it.”
–Patricia Bow 21 June 1970.

Around the heart is an open chamber – that empty place in grief – which modifies our love to complement each other. Two hearts resonate as one and the love grows stronger. When one spouse dies that chamber is empty until
that loved one has ascended to the Father and returns in Peace and Love to visit. Yes, there is life after death.

What we feel when we kiss our soulmate is that chamber resonating in harmony like a guitar sound box. Soulmates feel the energy, scent and smell of each other in a kiss. In ecstatic love making soulmates learn not to fear their bodies, sex is a dissolving into oneness. The “This is my body which is given for you” of the Eucharist.

As Pat continued:

“And this long miracle is to discover
The inmost me and you.
To nurse no longing for another,
To forge the soul and its desire together
Gently, openly and forever.
Nothing grows but common flowers
Outside our Kingdom’s wall.
Here alone the magic lies.
We ask nothing; we have all.”

You just know when you have met your soulmate, your other half.

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The Lord our God is one Lord.

Descartes really got it right with his famous “I think therefore I am” – it is the only thing that remains in the human mind when we doubt our own existence.  It is also related to the concept that God created us in his Own image. God is the Great I am.  He tells Moses “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.” It is related to the Bible name of God YHWH

“I am” is the first person singular form of the Hebrew verb “to be”. ‘YHWH’ is the third person singular, thus meaning “He is” or “He exists.” The first or third person of the same verb was used by the writers of the Hebrew text of the Old Testament, depending upon whether they wanted to emphasize His own or man’s own perspective.

Stephen Hawking wrote: “Events before the Big Bang are simply not defined, because there’s no way one could measure what happened at them. Since events before the Big Bang have no observational consequences, one may as well cut them out of the theory and say that time began at the Big Bang.” Essentially, there was never a Big Bang that produced something from nothing. No Big Bang but, there certainly was God and He is all that counts.

In the beginning there was neither time nor space just the great Void and God. God was and is outside of time and space. He was the mind behind the universe – a mind that dwarfs Stephen Hawking’s mind. What Hawking believes – that something cannot be produced from nothing – does not count and is inconsequential. God existed before time and space.

John 1 1-5 King James Version (KJV)

  1. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
  2. The same was in the beginning with God.
  3. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.
  4.  In him was life; and the life was the light of men.
  5. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.

Man is created by God “in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” – a conversation being held between the Holy Trinity-God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. – God thinking. Being made in the Image of God does not mean that God possesses human-like features – no God is NOT an old man sitting on a throne in Heaven. Man is Godlike when he thinks and loves – Love and the faculty of reason enables man to become most God-like in that he develops the spirituality to partially grasp the nature of God’s ultimate reality. God is LOVE!

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