Another insight into Patricia and why we were so well matched. Being an only child and being the middle child of seven results in our sharing a lot of characteristics. It is also why I’m having trouble coping with being alone. Pat and I actually cultivated being alone – going to gatherings was out of character for us. Pat was introverted and I was always a loner. We both were very satisfied with our own company and each other’s company. Don’t get Pat wrong, she loved her siblings but did not need to be in their company very much. She was content to know that her immediate family members were all within reach somewhere, linked to her by genetic threads. In fact she was not just introverted, in her own words, she was “ also reserved/private, and shy – three different things. The triple whammy. But I’m not a misanthrope, or not yet.”
Okay it is not helping me now that those closest to me are even smaller than was Pat’s circle. But unlike Pat, I don’t think it a sin to dislike gatherings and groups.
Pat wrote: “ …I suspect I am simply not that interested in real people (as opposed to fictional ones) although I have the greatest good will towards them. This is probably something close to a sin. I also see it in church, where Eric likes forming social connections, while I would rather just go there to worship.”
Again Pat knows me better than I know myself. She’s right I enjoy the people at Church but after the service not the chatting before the service nor the Peace during the service. Now I find comfort from those I have gotten to know at Holy Saviour Waterloo as well as from the BCP services.
It is probably a good thing Pat died before me. Though she was the stronger, she would have had a harder time with grief than I. Her fear of pain – believe me grief is PAIN – her hate of networking and her introversion would be a problem for her grief journey. She was just too private. Unfortunately for her the grief journey needs her to reach out to family and friends and to truly communicate with them.
I am so glad Pat shared her family with me and they welcomed me into the family. They are a big help now – especial Deanna who like me has lost a spouse. She is helping a lot with my grief journey. And Pat herself being near me, in my soul, communing with me and sharing the Peace that passes all understanding that comes from being in the arms of Christ are a big help. Pat I love you forever.